Marriages are relationships that take constant work and input from both spouses. Even under the best of circumstances, there can be struggles and growing pains. When one of the spouses has issues with mental health, those struggles can become even more intense and difficult to navigate. Coach Jessica Farmer works specifically with individuals who have a spouse dealing with mental health problems, so that they know how to navigate through not only dealing with their spouse’s mental ups and downs, but also with their own as well.
A huge area she focuses on is teaching people how to set and establish healthy boundaries that will benefit not only them but their spouse as well. This episode is full of great tips and examples on what boundaries really are and how to introduce them into your marriage. There is so much great advice not only for those who have a spouse with mental health struggles, but for those in any relationship.
- When you are the spouse of someone who suffers from mental health issues, you can also go to a dark place yourself because your own mental health can take a back seat for the mental health of your spouse.
- Caring for a spouse with mental health can be very taxing so we need to make sure we care for ourselves so that we can be a firm foundation in the relationship.
- In marriage, the well spouse has to be careful not to step into a caregiver role of the one who is struggling because it then becomes more of a parent-child type relationship instead of a partnership.
- We can easily confuse boundaries with manuals.
- A spouse with mental illness can become myopic in the sense that they are focused mainly on themselves. This can be hard for the well spouse because it feels like rejection.
- As the well spouse, you need to make sure you don’t manipulate your spouse. Healthy boundaries are very important in this type of situation so love can be maintained for self and spouse.
- Coming up with a plan to make sure you are doing ok as the well spouse is important for times when the spouse suffering with mental health goes “off-roading”.
- Intent is the difference between manipulation and boundaries.
- Manipulation is trying to control our spouse’s behavior so they act the way we want them to.
- When there is anger and resentment towards our spouse or anyone else, it’s hard to have a good relationship so we need to make sure we clean up our resentment so that we can make boundaries from a really healthy place.
- A boundary is really just a process of telling the truth.
- Setting boundaries can be vulnerable and in order to set them we often have to have difficult conversations that make us feel very vulnerable.
- So often as women, we will hold back our own needs so that we don’t disrupt the peace but doing that comes at the cost of emotional intimacy.
Do you feel like you parent from a place of fear or love? If fear, what are you afraid will happen if you let your children make their own decisions?
How can you look to Heavenly Father and follow some of the things He does as a parent by applying those principles to your own parenting?
If you knew that your children were going to make the best choices for them, how would that change your parenting and relationship with them?
More from Jessica:
Clubhouse Podcast After Party — 6/16/21 Link to join: https://www.clubhouse.com/event/MO228QaX