Niche: Youth coach for teens and tweens helping them love themselves where they are.

Find out more about Lindsay HERE!

Find this Interview on YouTube, HERE.

It’s a pretty normal desire as a parent to want our children to be happy. While often well intentioned, not allowing our children to experience emotions that are outside of “happy” can create self-doubt and insecurity.

On today’s podcast coach Lindsay Law gives three shifts parents can make in their communication so that  their teens feel validated and accepted in their emotions. And as with most coaching tools, these shifts will not only increase a teens confidence but a parent’s confidence as well. 

 

Takeaways:

*Often when parents are complimenting and trying to build their children up, the opposite can be happening. For this reason it’s good to learn some alternate ways of talking to your kids.

*As parents we want our kids to be happy but if we are constantly trying to make our kids happy it can send a message of non-acceptance for who they really are and what they are really feeling.

*In communicating with our teens we want to make sure we are trying to accept, connect, and model appropriate ways to handle emotions. 

3 Major Shifts

  1. See them and hear them through validation.
    1. Move from fixing to validating the way your teen is feeling.
    2. Validation is when we convey that we see them and hear them but it doesn’t mean we agree with them. We are opening up an avenue for them to share more and help them problem solve.
    3. Validating our kids’ emotions is the building block for helping them to process their emotions.
  2. Moving from result focused to process focused.
    1. We want to not connect their result to their worth and value.
    2. Instead of asking “Who won the game?” or “How did you do on the test?” You instead say something like, “ What was your favorite part of the class?” or “What was the most epic part of the game today?”
    3. We want to help our teen redefine success and failure. We can do this by shifting from using the word “failure” to “unmet expectation”. Success is really getting out there and trying new things. 
  3. Move from judgment to curiosity.
    1. When we are curious we are in a position of wanting to learn.
    2. When we judge oru teens and ourselves, we are teaching them to do that to themselves.
    3. Curiosity helps your teen drop the negative self-talk.

*Having these three shifts in your parenting can boost your confidence as a parent.

*Making these shifts can be tricky because we can often let fear get in the way.

 

Discussion Questions:

  1. How are you currently showing up as a parent to your teen? Do you feel it’s a healthy and expansive relationship?
  2. Lindsay talked about three shifts parents need to have to create greater connection with their teens. Which shift do you think would be most helpful for you to focus on this week?
  3. How would the way you shift in talking to your teen also help you shift in the way you talk to yourself?

 

IG Points:

*In trying to make our children feel better it can often have the opposite effect.

*We want to validate all of our children’s emotions, not necessarily change them. 

*Validating emotions does not mean we agree with them.

*The 3 Shifts

  1. Fixing to Validating
  2. Result Focused to Process Focused
  3. Judgment to Curiosity

*When your teens feel your acceptance for what they are feeling and experiencing, they are far more likely to accept themselves.