Niche: Confidence coach for mothers of teenagers

Find out more about Heidi HERE!

Find this Interview on YouTube, HERE.

What parent doesn’t want to have a strong and healthy relationship with their teenager? And yet, the teen years are years that can truly test the bond between parent and child. They want more freedom and independence, and we want to keep them close and safe. But they truly won’t become strong and capable until we let them go and let them make mistakes. 

Coach Heidi Benjaminsen believes the key to having a good relationship with your teen is to make sure you’re controlling yourself and then allowing your teen to control themselves. This can be very hard at times because teens often make choices that do not look like the choices we would make or think they should make. But as you look to God and see how He stays in control of what He can – never forcing us to do anything but willingly guiding and loving us, we can more easily follow His example with our own children. 

Heidi gives practical tips and asks some great questions to make sure you are constantly coming back to what is within your control as a parent of a teen. What she often finds to be true is that when a parent can learn to do this, their teen actually often starts making the choices the parents wanted for them to begin with. It’s a win-win all around.

 

Takeaways:

*Hope in your motherhood can come even when your teens don’t make the changes you would want or hope for.

*Teenagers are on an emotional rollercoaster. As their mothers, they often give us a ticket to get on their emotional rollercoaster. We have to learn to stay grounded and anchored and not get on.

*To stay anchored it’s helpful to look at ourselves and our teens in the “lanes” of life. There are three lanes. Our land, our teenagers lane, and God’s lane. 

*In our lane we are responsible for noticing and processing our emotions, our actions, and our reactions and what our needs are. We are responsible for developing our gifts, knowing our weaknesses, and the decisions in our lives. 

*A skill that takes time to develop but is essential for our growth and our teenagers growth is the skill of looking inward not outward for validation of worth and making the right decisions. 

*In our lane, we need to understand that we are going to make mistakes and that’s OK.

*The “accidents” we most commonly make are emotional ones.

*Asking for help is a huge part of staying in our lane.

*To teach, support, love, and guide is part of our lane as a mother and parent.

*Our lane – being considerate of others, but not solving others problems, especially our children’s problems.

*When you realize that you are the one person responsible for liking and loving yourself, then you have more to give other people.

*The secret to success in having your teens change in good and healthy ways is to change as the mother.

*Allowing God to be in His lane is easier to do when you view Him as someone who has our best interest at heart and is working for our best outcome.

*When there is an absence of information our lower brain automatically fills it in with a negative.

*It’s always good as a parent of teens to really question your brain and see if what it’s bringing up is a real problem and if it is a problem your teen can solve it if they want to. 

*When we may feel like God is not helping us as we might like, we have to remember that He honors our lane (aka agency). He knows our growth is dependent on Him staying out of our lane. He is not in the business of controlling but in the business of helping and supporting.

*When we ask ourselves the questions, “Who do I want to be?” It gets us back into our lane every-time. It allows us to look inward and really live our life from a place that we want to come from. 

 

Discussion Questions:

  1. Where are you trying to get into your teens lane? How do you think this is affecting your relationship with them?
  2. How deeply do you believe that your relationship will get better with your teen as you focus on who you want to be in the relationship and not on who your teen is being? What is holding you back from showing up where you want to be and in your own lane?
  3. What is the one thing you wish was better in your relationship with your teen?