When Kolette Hall married her husband Jason, they believed that as his wife she should be in charge of all his care. But caring for anyone full time can be overwhelming and especially when it is your quadraplegic husband. When an accident five years into their marriage brought to light the burden of being Jason’s sole caregiver, things needed to change for their marriage to survive. Fortunately Kolette had her own advocates in Jason’s parents and they rallied around her to set up extra support and boundaries so that she could be Jason’s wife and learn to love him in that way as well as love herself again.
At some point in all of our lives we will be caregivers, whether that is for children, a spouse, or aging parents. In any scenario it is imperative to make sure that the caregiver is getting the help and support they need to be successful. Kolette’s journey is one from experience and she has a lot of good advice for anyone going through a similar situation.
- If you aren’t careful as a caregiver, you can burnout and become really resentful.
- Caregivers need their own advocates to make sure they get the care they need.
- Primary caregivers need a team around them to give them support so that they don’t burnout and can care for their needs.
- To allow others to help us, expands our hearts.
- Opening ourselves up to help is a beautiful form of self-care when you are a caregiver.
- You need to feel all the feelings as a caregiver and use those things you learn from your feelings to make decisions.
- When you are able to know what you need as a caregiver, then you can be a better caregiver.
- You as the caregiver get to decide for yourself what your level of caregiving will look like. It’s your decision to make, not the person you are caring for.
- You don’t have to be stuck in inadequacy and guilt.
- You can love someone and still not be the one to give all the care. Love and care are not the same thing.
- If you are a current caregiver, are you taking care of yourself and your needs? If yes, what are you doing? If not, what are some areas you can improve in?
- What feelings come up for you when you think about allowing others to do a lot of the work for the person you have been caring for? What are the current feelings you have in regards to giving care?
- What resources do you have that you can tap into for relief in your caregiving?
Click HERE to join us Thursday, August 19th at 2pm CDT on the Clubhouse app. This gives you the opportunity to learn more on this topic and to speak directly with Kolette and ask her questions on this topic.