235. How Doodling Can Help You Embrace Your Whole Self with Michelle Keil

Intro [00:00:00] Episode 235, how doodling can help you embrace your whole self with Michelle Keil. 

Intro [00:00:11] Welcome to Latter Day Life Coaches, the podcast where each episode is a conversation between me, Heather Rackham, and one of my amazing coach colleagues. Each coach here is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and a highly trained, experienced life coach making a great impact in the lives of their clients. And together, we have one main goal, helping you live your best life no matter what. You ready for this conversation with the coach? Here we go.

 

Intro [00:00:46] In this episode, focused on creativity, Heather chats with Coach Michelle Keil to explore how simple doodles can become powerful tools for emotional healing and spiritual growth. Michelle shares how doodling helps us access self-acceptance, process emotions, and see ourselves through a more compassionate lens, all while tapping into our divine creativity. Together, she and Heather discuss how creativity is a divine trait. Why it’s okay to be a work in progress, and how even our roughest sketches can teach us about grace, worth, and who we truly are. Whether you consider yourself artistic or not, this episode will invite you to see your imperfections and your inner growth in a brand new way. Please enjoy.

 

Heather [00:01:35] Hey, everybody, we’re so glad to have you join us today and listen in on this conversation that I get to have with Michelle Keil. Hi, Michelle, how you doing? Good, thank you for having me again, Heather. It’s always fun. Thank you for being here. As Michelle said, she has been on before. You can go back and find those episodes. She’s always full of wisdom and interesting topics of conversation, so, but. If you’ve missed those, I’m gonna have Michelle introduce herself here just in case. So Michelle, can you tell us about you?

 

Michelle [00:02:07] Of course, thank you. I am Michelle Keil. I live with my husband. We’re in Gilbert, Arizona. We are recently empty nesters. Our youngest is finishing up her first year of college about two and a half hours away. And she is the youngest of our, what we call our six plus two kids, six that were born to us and two that chose us through loving our children. Also a recent Mimi. So that’s so much fun to have our first granddaughter who’s four and a half months old. By the time this airs  she’ll be like seven months old but so fun to be a grandma and have fun. I love being creative and that’s what we’re going to talk about today and incorporating that into the work that I do coaching women. Jokingly I say that I coach women to hate themselves less But really, it is helping women develop and become able to accept a relationship with themselves, where they’re at and work towards where they want to be from a more loving place.

 

Heather [00:03:20] It’s so so true. And isn’t that sad? That’s the perspective we we look at it, right? Like to help women hate themselves less. But that is probably what women resonate with more than help you love yourself more like they’re like, I don’t even know that that’s possible, really, right, like I just need to have less, less dislike less hate or whatever. So I

 

Michelle [00:03:44] Well, and the flip side of that, too, is even women who are like, I don’t hate myself. And then, you know, you’re like, but how do you treat yourself and how do you talk to yourself? And they’re like maybe I maybe I don’t t like myself as I thought I did.

 

Heather [00:03:59] It’s so true and it is so foundational that love for ourselves is so foundational to everything else because as we know, like we’re only to give, we’re only able to give as much love as we have inside of us. And that love that we have inside of is our job. That’s what we get to create. We, we can’t get that from anybody else really. So it’s, it’s an important thing to work on. It’s a great place to spend some time.

 

Michelle [00:04:28] I love it, and using doodles is a way to help them, well, we’ll talk about it a little bit more, but help them take a different perspective on that relationship.

 

Heather [00:04:40] Good. Well, this is gonna be fun. And you just kind of teased it a little bit using doodles and they’re gonna be like, what is she talking about? So we will just dive right in. I want you to share with us if you can, how you first discovered doodling as a meaningful tool for self-expression and self-acceptance.

 

Michelle [00:05:03] Yeah, so from a very young age, I’ve always loved creativity in all kinds of forms, right? I love making things and building things and creating things much to my husband’s dismay. I have more power tools than he does, but painting, stamping back in the day, scrapbooking, cooking, sewing, graphic design, photography, jewelry, DIY projects around our house, so many things. So that’s just, I consider that my background set point kind of thing. And years ago, shortly after I found coaching, I saw a workshop offered online that merged doodles and emotion work. And so I was intrigued. And so, I joined that workshop and took part in that and I was hooked. I toyed around with it for the past several years and found that it was a way for me to look at myself that was less personal and more lighthearted. The doodle lessons of my mentor were powerful visuals for me, and I’m a very visual person. And at the time, there were times, of course, that it helped me express some emotions that I didn’t have words for. And using creativity in that way can help us process emotions in a different form and give us more tools to use and so as of this year I have completed her certification and so started incorporating doodles into my toolbox of coaching tools and it has been a great addition so I’ve just found that it’s been really enjoyable and it’s something that we can all kind of get back to the little kid inside of us that love to create and do things.

 

Heather [00:06:56] That’s so awesome. We, you talked about it as being a tool to help process emotions. And for most of us, it’s like, we experience the emotion we don’t like, and it’s, let me get the heck out of this place. Let me get through, process this emotion. Or even if we even know to process the emotion, right? Right. For most of this, it just like, step it down. I don’t wanna feel that. Yeah, let put that in a box on the shelf over there. And I’m coming to realize that those emotions that we experience, especially sometimes the ones we don’t like, are a great signal to us of something that needs healing inside and even something that might need healing and relationship with ourself and other people. And I think the longer we can sit with them, the more healing can take place from them. And I guess in my mind, I’m sitting here thinking, if I wasn’t just Like doodling while I was experiencing emotion would probably be, would make it, not that we’re looking to make it easier, but I’m imagining that it kind of gives you the opportunity to sit with it in not such an uncomfortable state, I guess. I don’t know, am I?

 

Michelle [00:08:11] No, I think it’s one of those things, again, that it gives us a different tool and at the same time, scientifically, it shows that when we move into creativity, any type of creativity, we’re moving out of our thinking brain and becoming more present in the moment. Yeah. And so that is a way to be present with those emotions in a way that we almost always are not willing to. To be present with them. And it’s not as it’s kind of like a side door. I think of it as like a side door to being present with those emotions.

 

Heather [00:08:48] Yeah, and I love you always are really good at bringing in the science as well into the the emotion side of things, which we oftentimes think are separate. And I love when we can see them connected. So thank you for sharing that with us. So why do you think doodling and doodles are such a powerful metaphor then for embracing imperfection and being unfinished yet beautiful?

 

[00:09:13] So, doodles are not fine art. Right? No, they are especially fine. And I love, I love to doodle and they’re not fine arts. There is room for imperfection in doodles. And, and it’s learning to embrace that, right? It’s the idea of being unfinished, being a work in progress that aligns with gospel principles of eternal progression. I can see the progression of my doodles. When I first took this workshop years ago, they were not that impressive. Let’s just say they looked like doodles and as I doodle more and spend more time using that, I have developed a skill that they are not as rudimentary as they used to be. And at the same time as children of heavenly parents, Heather, are we someone who is under construction or are we a creation in process? Which would you say?

 

Heather [00:10:21] Well, I mean, obviously, I think in the moment, we’re always looking at ourselves as like been, you know, like this is done, like, we look at ourselves as being just, I don’t, I can’t think of the word, but we, we kind of tend to not look at the progression that we still have inside of us. So we we kind of just view it as being like like a complete piece of art or a piece of doodling, right? I think to your point. So it is really good for us to kind of keep that perspective that it’s not a finished, we’re not finished.

 

Michelle [00:11:00] Yeah, and I just, you know, in playing around and looking for different things, quotes on creativity and things, I was surprised that Charles Dickens actually said, the difference between construction and creation is this, that a thing constructed can only be loved after it’s constructed. But a thing created is loved before it exists. Our heavenly parents love us for the progress we are making. We exist to them in a different state than we exist to ourselves right now. So how can I love myself in this state of creation and creating doodles – these are simple creations that don’t have to be artistic to be powerful. And if I can see these creations that I’m making and I can love them, how do I then transfer that same love to myself? Because I am a creation in process.

 

Heather [00:12:10] Yeah, our heavenly parents love us exactly like how we are. Just the very thought of us even being created, right? Like they just love us. It has nothing to do with our worth or how good we do anything. It’s just in the mere creation of us, they love us

 

Michelle [00:12:30] They love our possibilities. They love what we can become and they love us right where we are.

 

Heather [00:12:38] Yeah, I think that’s a really good distinction, right? Like they love us right where we are, but that doesn’t also mean that we don’t want to continue to transcend and progress. Not that they would love us anymore if we did or any less if we didn’t. It’s just…

 

Michelle [00:12:53] Of us wherever we are. It’s that relational thing, right? So it is, you know, the difference I think in in gospel or in Come Follow Me earlier this year. The difference between justification and sanctification, right. We are all justified through the Savior. He has made it possible for all of us to return and be with our heavenly parents again. But sanctification is Am I someone different because of him? And so we’re that process. Are we becoming someone different? My doodles have changed over time. I’m changing over time, my heavenly parents loved me in the beginning and they love me here and they will love me there.

 

Heather [00:13:42] Yeah, it’s so good, it so profound. I would love for you to share with us maybe how doodling has helped you and other people because I know a little bit from personal experience that I don’t love to sit down and try to do something like that because I’m so unimpressed. And like, oh, I don’t wanna say ashamed because it’s not a shame, but it’s just like, oh, don’t even wanna look at that, I’m, so. Like I don’t like what I’ve created there. Like there’s this perfectionist side of me that I really witness coming out when I do something like that. So could you share with us maybe how you like that has helped you move past that perfectionist side and kind of really connect with you versus the our need to be perfect?

 

Michelle [00:14:31] Yeah, and and so for me and for the women that I’ve worked with using doodles specifically, it isn’t even really connecting with whatever might be our truest self, per se, but it’s a way to meet ourselves, where we are at, and learning to love and accept yourself again and again and again, even the parts of you that lean towards perfectionism or the parts of you you wish were different. And just learning how to accept those parts. Back in 2018, Elder Gong spoke in conference and he talked about Elder Scott, inviting him to come watercolor with him and how daunting that was for him. And he’s like, I don’t wanna frustrate you because I don’t have this skill. But he reminds us in that talk that Perfection is in Christ, not in ourselves. And it’s not even in the perfectionism of the world that we live in. And in Moroni chapter 10, verse 32, he reminds us, by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ. So we’re here in this world thinking everything we do needs to be perfect, but we aren’t the ones that make it perfect, right? The savior can take our rudimentary doodles and he can make them into beautiful masterpieces. So the example that comes to mind is, again, with this small group of women that I’m working with, one of the doodles that we did, we started by labeling our paper and it says, this is me. And so we draw our little doodle of ourself in the center and draw a little dotted line. And on one side of the paper, we write, you know, all the things that I like about myself or the things I can give myself credit for. And on the other side of paper, we write all the thing that maybe I want be different about myself or the things that I don’t like. And at the end of both those exercises, each time I instructed them to now at the bottom of those lists, right, I love and accept myself. And so as we were discussing it after we had done the process, one of the women shared, she’s like, I was with you the whole way, right up until you said, I love and accept my self. And I just noticed the resistance in my body. That was like, Oh, do I? I don’t know if I do. Because I’m so focused on, yeah, I can accept these things. But these things definitely need to change. And if I love and accept myself, what does that mean? And so it was fun to be able to have that discussion, right? And, and notice the things that I can say about a doodle that maybe I can’t say about myself yet. All of all of the things. It’s just fun to see what comes up when we doodle and notice where we can find where our work is, right? But it’s from a place that is less critical and less judgmental when it’s about just this little this cute little drawing. That may look like a five-year-old made it.

 

Heather [00:17:56] Which, to be fair, a lot of us are probably operating from that very young emotional state. So it might be more in alignment with who we are.

 

Ad [00:18:12] This episode is brought to you by The Grove, our new faith-based coaching community where women of the Church gather each week for powerful workshops, practical tools, and gospel-aligned support. Each workshop is led by a highly-trained life coach, just like the one you’re hearing today. If you’re loving these insights, you’ll love what’s happening inside The Grove. And yes, a men’s group is coming soon, so stay tuned. You can find the link in the show notes to learn more, and we’d love to have you join us.

 

Heather [00:18:48] I think it’s, it’s a, it really also does speak to this idea of how conditional we can be, right? Like, I can love myself, I could love these parts of myself, but I can’t love, you know, I can’t this. I also see it a lot with my clients and have seen it with my clients and I’m sure you have too, like, if people are, they’re, they are afraid to accept something in them or someone they love because they’re afraid it will be like, I’m condoning that behavior like I’m saying it’s okay that I do this when I really don’t think it’s okay or if I am accepting of this person I’m telling them that their behaviors are okay with me and you and I know that like that’s the only way to have a relationship with somebody right like you can’t if you if you try to step away and act like you don’t have a relationships there is no relationship it severs that relationship so we have to We don’t get to be conditional. I mean, we can be. We can be conditional if we want to have a conditional relationship. Right, yeah.

 

Michelle [00:19:55] Yeah, but it’s that, you know, it’s that untangling to connect, right? Yeah, to separate the emotions from the actions and decide how we want to create that connection. And it’s the same with ourselves as well.

 

Heather [00:20:12] So fascinating. I just always love to connect all the pieces and all the things. So what would you say to someone, this is gonna be you answering me right here. So what you say someone who feels that they aren’t creative? And I would say like, I don’t feel like I’m artistic. So to me, like sitting to doodle or I’ve been trying to do some water coloring feels a little bit like awkward for me. But what would say to them? If somebody’s like, I’m not creative enough to use doodling or any sort of simple form of… Art, like I said, I like to water color and you know, for self discovery, what would you say? Tell me, speak to me here.

 

Michelle [00:20:52] Yeah, so first of all, I would say that I disagree. And, and I have, you know, some apostles and other people that say, scientists that say that we are all creative, right? I disagree when it comes to doodling because in doodaling, it’s not about the art of it. It’s about being willing to make marks on a page. Elder Uchtdorf, way back in the day, in 2008, spoke and he said that the desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, our education, our backgrounds, or our abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before. Everyone can create. And so if we believe that we are created. In the image and likeness of our heavenly parents, then that begs the question, how can we not be creative? They are the supreme creators, right? And as their children, we are as well. And so it’s just underdeveloped in us, but it’s an innate desire for us to continue to want to create something. And Elder Uckdorf even continues and says, you might say I’m not the creative type. If that’s how you feel think again and remember that you are spirit daughters. This was in a women’s session back when we had those. I remember it was my favorite. I loved it. You are spirit daughter of the most creative beings in the universe. Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God. Think about it, your spirit body is a masterpiece created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination. We can learn from the way Heavenly Father works with us over time, line upon line, precept upon precept, about being patient with ourselves and loving ourselves right where we are. And that the scriptural things that come to mind is the parable of the talents, right? Each of the servants were given talents. They were given different talents. One was given five, one was given two, one was giving one. We all have been given talents It’s what our stewardship is with the talents that we have been given. Heavenly Father wants us to learn that, yes, this is what we’ve been given, and if we work with what we have given, we can increase and develop and grow those talents to be so much more.

 

Heather [00:23:53] So profound and fantastic it, it always, I like to say we, and we get, I feel like we get a little bit confused. And I’ve said it on here before, maybe even said it with you because I say it all the time. But we, I think a lot of times we think we’re here to prove something to our heavenly parents, right? And that we’ve got to prove our worthiness or we have to prove that we can be with them again. And I really think that the reality is they are just trying to prove to us how capable we are. Prove to us that we can be creators just like them, that we have the same capacities, the same abilities, and they’re just trying to help us discover what’s inside of us. I just am always like, they’re trying to just prove us to us. That’s really the bottom line.

 

Michelle [00:24:45] Yeah, exactly. And if you want, you know, again, if you want the science side of it, right. Brene Brown, sociologist, researcher, she’s like, I’m not very creative, doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people or non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity, she says, isn’t benign. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear. Oh, gosh. I know.

 

Heather [00:25:26] Am I murdering like it says?

 

Michelle [00:25:29] I’m murdering that innate part of me that first degree murder has talked about that is the most elemental part of my spiritual being. Am I suffocating that part of myself by being unwilling to be bad at it?

 

Heather [00:25:50] Yeah. I mean, and that just is the same with anything, right? Like, doing anything for the first time, we’re gonna be bad at it. And… That’s actually a skill, I think, that we have to practice doing things for the first time because we don’t like to be bad at things. No. It’s so hard. That is awful. It’s hard. OK, so then how can we incorporate doodling into our daily or our weekly lives? Most of us don’t have time to sketch out or etch out a chunk of time in our day. How can we incorporated into what we’re already doing, maybe?

 

Michelle [00:26:29] And I think this is something that we can use it, we can add it into things that we might be already doing, like our own mindfulness practices or our own emotional growth and things. And by engaging in creativity, whether it’s doodling or if it’s writing or painting or music or other forms of expression, those are all ways that help us practice self-acceptance. Again, learning to be okay with where we’re at. While becoming more proficient in those things. And so the benefits of doing that, right, is it helps us to externalize the internal criticism that we have for ourselves. We can see it on a page and maybe this is, you know, part of our meditation is drawing some of these things out and seeing what my brain is saying. If I have this little doodle of myself, What is going on for me? I can doodle what I’m feeling. I can Doodle what i’m thinking. I can Doodle what I think the other person is doing and recognize, I don’t really know. My brain is making up the story about the other person. I don’t really know what’s going on for them. And that is a separate part of the Doodle that is not a part of me. It can help us with our self compassion because it encourages mindfulness and self-reflection. And those are foundational for our self-compassion. It helps to facilitate, like we said before, it helps facilitate emotional processing because those forms of art allow us to process emotions that are non-verbal, complex things that we don’t have words for. And the creative expression can lead to insights. What is it that my body is telling me? In this emotion instead of just like we said boxing it up and putting it on the shelf and hoping one day we sell the house and we leave it here with it right but learning how to understand and accept our own feelings and be present with them and it encourages playfulness and flexibility. Like, we have been told by society that we get less playful and more structured, we call it structured, because structure is better than being rigid, but we get more structured in our life, but creativity introduces elements of play and experimentation and allowing individuals to break free from those self judgments that we have, those rigid guidelines for ourselves. And so that flexibility helps us to develop a more forgiving and loving relationship with ourselves.

 

Heather [00:29:27] All good reasons why we should pick up that pen. Actually, I’m curious, what are your favorite tools for doodling? Like, are you, do you do it electronically? Do you do what with pen and paper?

 

Michelle [00:29:37] No, I do both. So I, you know, I bought a whole box of 12 Sharpie pens that I can use, but I also do it on my iPad and do it there. I will do it, you know, in the margins of my planner or whatever. There’s a friend of ours, we’re on a call and she is like in her car, she did it on a brown paper bag that she had in her car because she’s like, this is what I got and where I’m at. And so I’m just I’m gonna doodle this out. Just realizing that it doesn’t have to be like a specific practice that’s gonna take you an hour. It can be like, oh, this is what I’m thinking right now. This is little me and here’s a thought bubble and another million thought bubbles of what’s going on in my brain. Interesting, that’s what my brain is offering me right now

 

Heather [00:30:30] So good. See, that’s my, like my brain, like there’s a right way to do something. So I should ask Michelle, what way does she do this so that I can make sure I’m doing it the right way?

 

Michelle [00:30:40] You know, there is no right way like I’ve done it with pen and paper. I’ve done it crayon. I’ve done it with markers. I use watercolor. I use my ipad. I use all kind of different things.

 

Heather [00:30:45] So if your doodles could send one message about acceptance to the world, what do you think it would be?

 

Michelle [00:31:04] Thinking about our audience, which is mostly members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a lot of us have grown up or spent a lot of time, at least, feeling pressure to fit into a certain mold, right, to measure up to a certain degree, whether it’s in church or family or society. And creativity can help us honor our individuality. While still striving to become more like Christ. That’s who we want to become like. And so it’s not that we’re fitting into a mold. And remember President Nelson promised that the Lord loves effort and that spiritual progress isn’t linear. And so over time, when we come to understand that our worth isn’t tied to any of those molds that we are trying to fit into, Heavenly Father loves us for who we are. And not just for what we do. And so that’s why I like to refer to this as the art of becoming, right? When Michelangelo was asked how he carved the statue of David, he answered, it’s simple. I just removed everything that is not David. Doodling and creativity are tools that can allow us to let go of things that are not part of who we uniquely are. And the more we use tools like this, the more can learn more about who we really are.

 

Heather [00:32:39] So good. I, I kind of like to think that and, and this, this is like not opposing in what you said, but like you said we both, we all, we want to be more, we wanna be like Christ and which is true. And, but I like to think of, actually, he wants me to be more of me through him. Right? Like, they want us. We want him, yeah.

 

Michelle [00:33:04] We want to have similar characteristics and character traits that are ours yes like we’re not meant to fit into his mold we’re meant to become the the character our own flavor of character that he is.

 

Heather [00:33:24] Yeah, and we’re able to do that through him, right? Like that enabling power that we get from him and the ability to gain a new perspective through his power is what helps us to become more us, the person that our heavenly parents know is inside of us, the parts. Like I love that statue of David analogy.

 

Michelle [00:33:50] It makes me think of my daughter, which hopefully she’ll forgive me because I didn’t ask her, but it just came to my mind when she was deciding whether or not to go on a mission she, it really, she would tell people it wasn’t her decision. It was Heavenly Father’s decision. And her decision was choosing whether or not to be obedient. And as she was preparing and getting things ready, she’s like, I just don’t know if I will be a good missionary because like, I’m not like. Molly Mormon, and I’m like, what does that even mean? And she’s like, is this gonna make me become someone different? I said, Heavenly Father doesn’t need Molly Mormon to be a missionary. He needs you to be you and teach the people that he puts you in front of. And so we just laugh. And when she came home from her mission, she was like, well, I don’t know if I’m that different except I just love Jesus a lot more. Like, that’s the goal.

 

Heather [00:34:52] Yeah, yeah.

 

Michelle [00:34:53] Heavenly Father’s not trying to change you into something different than you are, he’s trying to develop your relationship with him and with the Savior so that you become more of who you are.

 

Heather [00:35:07] Absolutely. Amen. We’ll just we’ll just end with that. Well, and then before we leave, Michelle, can you share with people how they can connect with you?

 

Michelle [00:35:21] Yeah, of course. The easiest way is just to go to Instagram or Facebook at Michelle Kyle Coaching, Kyle’s K-E-I-L, or I do have a website, MichelleKeilCoaching.com. I will have, in the show notes, we’ll have a free PDF download that you can try some of these doodling exercises and see what comes up for you. And if you follow me on Instagram or FaceBook, then you’ll notice each month I have a free community coaching call that anybody can come to. So we’d love to have you join us there. But yeah, all of those things and and who knows the free downloads might be a sample of a doodling workbook, a larger body of doodly workbook slash guided journals slash coloring book. So

 

Heather [00:36:13] Well, also, if you follow Michelle on Instagram, I always love it, because a lot of her images that she shares, I know are, I’m like, oh, she’s created that herself. That is one of Michelle’s doodles. And it’s so fun. It’s so to watch it. It was so fun to doodle. It is fun. It was fun. Anyway, it’s great. Thanks, Michelle, so much. This was fantastic. And I hope everybody feels inspired to go try something new. If it’s not doodling, just something, whatever. And Pick it up and be bad at it and watch where it goes. So thanks, Michelle.

 

Michelle [00:36:47] You are meant to be creative.

 

Heather [00:36:49] Absolutely. Have a good one, everybody. And we hope you’ll join us again next time. We’ll see you later. Hey, we just wanted to thank you for spending part of your day here with us at Latter Day Life Coaches and being part of this conversation. Share this with your friends so that you can have a conversation with them on this topic as well. And as always, subscribe so you don’t miss a single episode. Have a good one, my friends.